God never gives up on us

I had a fairly happy high school life in Dumaguete until my junior year. Surrounded by a good circle of friends, I enjoyed a scholarship for my good grades, lived a comfortable life, but something was still missing. I was in a period of search and personality crisis and I did not know what I really wanted. I was not content with my life. Then, when I heard that my best friend was leaving for London, I started to feel confused and lonely. I was so comfortable with my life at that point that I was afraid of change and I wanted to drop out of school. I wanted to pull up my roots and move to London or Manila, or wherever I thought I would feel secure again.

I talked to my parents about transferring to a new place. With their help, I applied as an exchange student for Italy but the application was turned down because of my age. I continued to hope. At that moment, I thought everything would go my way.

All our efforts to go abroad somewhere failed and I ended up in a great depression. It was summer, and everyday felt like hell. I was idle. I neglected people and I was full of myself. My family tried to convince me that it was God’s will for me to stay and continue my studies at Silliman University in Dumaguete. I rebelled and crawled under my blanket for a long time.

That was the worst summer ever. I kept crying and waiting for a miracle. I was against everyone who advised me to finish high school. Full of negative ideas about the upcoming year, I was sure I would not continue with my final year in high school. After a while though, I saw the constant love and support of my parents who only wanted my happiness, gave up their aspirations of me finishing high school and decided to leave me alone for one year, to do what I wanted.

It was such a great act of love for me that I felt I had to reciprocate. I realized God’s immense love for me through my parents as they had never doubted or questioned my decisions (no matter how illogical they seemed).

About two weeks before classes started, my sister enrolled me in Silliman for the fourth year of high school, even if I was convinced not to continue with my studies. It was actually a blessing in disguise. A week before classes, I changed my mind about school because I felt my parents’ unconditional love for me. Even though I had been completely against this, I prayed for humility to accept my parents’ advice. Then the first week went by and I still refused to attend classes.

When I finally did show up, it took months before I started to forget myself and listen to the voice of God inside me. I then became active in school activities, even more active than in previous years. Slowly, I started to see God’s beautiful plan for me unfold. He gave me new friends, as well as improved relationships with old friends. I realized His plan was much greater than my own. Later, I was invited to attend Chiara Luce’s beatification ceremony in Rome. This made me trust even more in God, and it strengthened my faith. I came to understand why I had been empty and dissatisfied: because I was not doing the will of God in every moment. Ever since then, I’ve been conscious to align my actions and decisions with his will. I have learned how to listen to God and humble myself, to disregard my will and instead make His will mine in every moment.

I graduated from high school bagging the “Excellence in Math” award which was unexpected because I had been so distracted and depressed in the first half of the school year. God is never outdone in generosity! When I accepted God’s will, I became free. Now, looking back, I realized that I have achieved a lot more doing His will than if I had done mine.

Gabriella Villegas