Is it wrong when two people are already going steady and one of them starts a relationship with a third person, and then carries on two simultaneous relationships? Is it natural to switch from one relationship to another without a break of some kind? - Alex Our society today is so fluid and loose. It is in constant flux and lacks stable reference points or anchors.
Value systems have multiplied and evolved so much in a short span of time that many people are in a quandary as to what is right or wrong.
You’re right: a loose or fluid relationship certainly does not help people build genuine and consistent relationships.
This doesn’t help their personal fulfilment either. People don’t realize what a genuine relationship is, how to maintain such a relationship, and when and how to end it when there is no point in pursuing it any longer. The lack of a solid values system results in much suffering for all parties involved and heightens personal insecurities as well.
What exactly is a genuine relationship? Such a relationship is founded on love, and thus it’s not self-serving.
It is a commitment not assumed because of convenience or pleasure, a partnership that is allowed to grow and possibly develop into a more permanent relationship, given time and care. Both parties nurture that love that respects and trusts the other.
Such a relationship will naturally look out for the welfare of the other partner and not do anything to insult the other’s dignity as a person.
The Golden Rule is a good guideline: Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you. Is it ok if your partner starts a simultaneous relationship with someone else? Would you want to share her with two or more partners? One’s values system is usually influenced by his family experiences, those that he had made growing up.
How he sees his parents’ relationship will be a guide for his future relationships.
Statistically, children from broken homes tend to have marriages that also end up in divorce; and generally, those from healthy homes, tend to stick to their partner and work things out. Either way, relationships are not to be taken lightly. They are subjected to trials and successes, which are necessary to strengthen the relationship and take it to a higher level. The responsibility belongs to both parties and their genuine commitment to each other.
Do not be afraid, then, to seek genuine relationships, those which are transparent and with open and honest communication. What is needed is an honest dialogue at every stage.
A relationship founded on genuine love brooks no judgments. One must trust and respect his partner enough to believe that they will not hurt or jeopardize the relationship. Instead, complicated and loosely defined relationships inflict lasting wounds and scars on all parties involved.
Sometimes, the relationship may hit a rough stretch of the road. Consequently, the choice of taking time off for reflection — both during a relationship, if necessary, or even when ending a relationship — is often very useful and indispensable for clarifying matters. Respect for the other person will allow them time off for reflection.
Mutual respect leads to honesty and openness in expressing oneself before the other, should the time come to end the relationship, or put it on hold, as the case may be.
It is also very important to consider things carefully before starting a relationship, resisting the impulse to immediately declare one’s feelings.
Why not let things develop naturally and gradually, so as to be sure of what one wants from life? Let’s first learn how to give of oneself before making that commitment to another who might not be as ready as ourselves.
A genuine and mature relationship requires sacrifices and risk, and this means being ready to go out on a limb to prove one’s readiness to commit, even if it means a rejection in the end. The other party may not be willing or ready to make that commitment at the same time. Someone else has to take that first big step.
A genuine act of love will always be followed by another. When that happens, we will then be ready to receive the other’s gift.
Andrea Karla
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