When I was around 12-13 years old I had a homosexual
experience. Today I am 23, and a year ago, I got engaged to a girl I met in the
parish. I believe that she is the right person for me. We have already started
planning our wedding. Every now and then, however, I remember that experience
as an adolescent, and I suffer, scared that I might be conditioned by my past
experience. (GS)
Just the other
day I happened to catch an interview on television of a group of elementary
school boys (10–12 years old), who were on their way to becoming internet
sensations due to their YouTube video showing their awesome and acrobatic dance
moves. What surprised me what that these elementary school boys were openly
homosexual, presenting themselves on T.V. in full make-up, spontaneous and
proud of what they had achieved as a group especially as it brought honour to
their school.
Adolescence is a
delicate period in life where one is no longer a small child, and also, not yet
an adult. At that stage one’s sexual identity is still being formed, and as
yet, not well defined.
For this reason,
a person may think that he is a homosexual (particularly when one has had such
an experience as an adolescent).
Generally, this
is a moment of transition that one gradually grows out of as he matures.
However, in today’s culture that emphasizes homosexuality, this natural process
of maturation can become more complicated, especially when television and mass
media have helped to blur the lines of gender. C. Rise wrote, “Today, young
people admit ever more easily and more often than before that they are gay,
although this is not always their true identity.”
On the other
hand, it’s true that homosexuality manifests itself in adolescence, thus these
episodes should never be taken for granted, but carefully evaluated. It’s
important for an adolescent to be able to communicate with someone he trusts
the doubts, anxieties, and worries he has about his sexuality in order to
receive support and the right orientation. At times talking it over with a mature
person can be reassuring and help him see things objectively.
Now let’s deal
with that fear you mention. From what you say, it seems that you have decided
with your girlfriend to postpone a physical relationship for marriage. This
decision will surely help you grow in your love for each other, but it should
be a real choice – in fact what both of you are doing is admirable, since it is
a hard choice to make! So it should not just be a cover up for a lack of
physical attraction on your part, for this is an important element for your
future married life. Instead, if physical attraction to one another exists, it
is a good and natural sign that you need not worry about your future married
life.
As the communion
between both of you grows, you will acquire more confidence in yourself and
your adolescent experiences will diminish in importance, and they may also be a
help for others who experience the same suffering.
However, if in
spite of everything you are still afraid, it may be better to seek the advice
of a counselor. With the help of a good and trusted counselor, and an openness
and willingness to listen and to learn on your part, it is possible to overcome
any difficulty.
Maria
and Raimondo Scotto with Ting Nolasco
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