When I was around 12-13 years old I had a homosexual experience. Today I am 23, and a year ago, I got engaged to a girl I met in the parish. I believe that she is the right person for me. We have already started planning our wedding. Every now and then, however, I remember that experience as an adolescent, and I suffer, scared that I might be conditioned by my past experience. (GS)
Just the other day I happened to catch an interview on television of a group of elementary school boys (10–12 years old), who were on their way to becoming internet sensations due to their YouTube video showing their awesome and acrobatic dance moves. What surprised me what that these elementary school boys were openly homosexual, presenting themselves on T.V. in full make-up, spontaneous and proud of what they had achieved as a group especially as it brought honour to their school.
Adolescence is a delicate period in life where one is no longer a small child, and also, not yet an adult. At that stage one’s sexual identity is still being formed, and as yet, not well defined.
For this reason, a person may think that he is a homosexual (particularly when one has had such an experience as an adolescent).
Generally, this is a moment of transition that one gradually grows out of as he matures. However, in today’s culture that emphasizes homosexuality, this natural process of maturation can become more complicated, especially when television and mass media have helped to blur the lines of gender. C. Rise wrote, “Today, young people admit ever more easily and more often than before that they are gay, although this is not always their true identity.”
On the other hand, it’s true that homosexuality manifests itself in adolescence, thus these episodes should never be taken for granted, but carefully evaluated. It’s important for an adolescent to be able to communicate with someone he trusts the doubts, anxieties, and worries he has about his sexuality in order to receive support and the right orientation. At times talking it over with a mature person can be reassuring and help him see things objectively.
Now let’s deal with that fear you mention. From what you say, it seems that you have decided with your girlfriend to postpone a physical relationship for marriage. This decision will surely help you grow in your love for each other, but it should be a real choice – in fact what both of you are doing is admirable, since it is a hard choice to make! So it should not just be a cover up for a lack of physical attraction on your part, for this is an important element for your future married life. Instead, if physical attraction to one another exists, it is a good and natural sign that you need not worry about your future married life.
As the communion between both of you grows, you will acquire more confidence in yourself and your adolescent experiences will diminish in importance, and they may also be a help for others who experience the same suffering.
However, if in spite of everything you are still afraid, it may be better to seek the advice of a counselor. With the help of a good and trusted counselor, and an openness and willingness to listen and to learn on your part, it is possible to overcome any difficulty.Maria and Raimondo Scotto with Ting Nolasco