Doubts about my future marriage

Source: New City, Philippines

I will be a new college graduate this year, with a boyfriend who has just started work. We are madly in love with each other and we have many things in common. We plan to get married in the future. I have always believed in reserving sexual intimacy for marriage. However, it was not so easy for him to accept this decision. I have some doubts, for example, about not being able to manage the intimacy of married life in a calm and serene manner. (Luisa C.M.)

We are impressed by your commitment to live this moment of your engagement well despite the times we live in. We see that where there is genuine love, one tends to make courageous choices, even if the partner does not fully share those choices.

It may seem a heavy burden, but time will reveal how useful this can be later in married life when, for example one has to abstain from sex to practice natural birth planning, or when one partner is away because of work, has fallen ill, is simply too tired or stressed out.

Do not worry about the future. Stay calm. Get to know one another better now and relish these moments for discovering one another.

Conjugal love is a gift from God to married couples who heed the call to family life. Together with the sacrament comes a corresponding grace and so you have nothing to worry about. The sexual act can help the couple grow in unity, and bear fruit – a new life. Thus they too can experience a joy that will sustain them in the journey of life together and make them grateful to each other.

For this to happen though, they must be like children who abandon themselves to one another in a total self-giving. Conjugal love is a total self-giving of oneself to one’s spouse, a concrete expression of unconditional love.

That is not always easy, especially because of the many kinds of conditioning we are subject to. But little by little, as dialogue between the couple grows, things will become simpler.

Patience is needed since the mystery and beautiful design of your relationship will take some time to unfold.

Hopefully, you can draw inspiration from the courage of this couple who faced the difficulties of married life with love and faith.

Maria and Raimondo Scotto with Jenni Bulan