Francis’ Address to Young People

Assisi: A Response to a question on Marriage

Source: Zenit.org

Nicola and Chiara Volpi (Perugia-Citta della Pieve) asked the following question:

“We live in a society where well-being is at the centre, to amuse oneself and think of oneself. To live matrimony as young Christians is complex; to open oneself to life is a challenge and a frequent fear. As a young couple we feel the joy of living our marriage, but we experience the daily effort and challenges. How can the Church help us, how can our pastors support us, what steps are we also called to take?”

Pope Francis: “I’m happy that the first question was that of a young couple – a beautiful witness! Two young people who have chosen, who decided, with joy and courage to form a family. Yes, because it is in fact true that you need courage to form a family! Courage is needed! And your question, young spouses, is linked to that of vocation. What is matrimony? It is a true and proper vocation, as are the priesthood and the religious life. Two Christians who marry have recognized in their history of love the call of the Lord, the vocation of two, male and female, to become only one flesh, only one life. And the Sacrament of Matrimony envelops this love with the grace of God, it roots it in God Himself. With this gift, with the certainty of this call, one can begin with certainty, there is no fear of anything, everything can be faced together!

We think of our parents, of our grandparents and great-grandparents: they were married in conditions that were much poorer than ours, some in time of war, or of post-war; some were emigrants, such as my parents. Where did they find the strength? They found it in the certainty that the Lord was with them, that the family is blessed by God with the Sacrament of Matrimony, and that the mission is blessed to bring children into the world and to educate them. With these certainties they surmounted even the hardest tests. They were simple but true certainties; they were the columns that supported their love. Their life wasn’t easy; there were problems, so many problems. But these simple certainties helped them to go forward. And they succeeded in making a beautiful family, in giving life, in seeing their children grow up.

Dear friends, this moral and spiritual basis is needed to build well -- solidly! Today this basis is no longer guaranteed by families and by social tradition. In fact, the society in which you were born privileges individual rights rather than the family – these individual rights -- it privileges relations that last so long as problems don’t arise, and because of this sometimes there is talk of the relationship of couples, of the family, of marriage in a superficial and mistaken way. Suffice to watch certain television programs and these values are seen! How many times a parish priest – I also heard it sometimes – receives a couple that comes to get married and says to them: “But do you know that marriage is for your whole life?” “O, we love one another so much, but  … we will stay together as long as our love lasts. When it ends, one will go one way and the other another.” It is egoism: when I don’t feel it, I break the marriage and forget that “one flesh,” which cannot be divided. It’s risky to marry, it’s risky! It is egoism that menaces us, because within all of us there is the possibility of a double personality: one that says “I free, want this” … “I, me, with me, for me …” Always egoism, which turns away and is unable to open to others. The other difficulty is this culture of the provisional: it seems that nothing is definitive. Everything is provisional. As I said earlier: hum, love while it lasts. Once I heard a seminarian  --who was good – who said: “I want to become a priest, but for ten years. Then I’ll think about it again.” It’s the culture of the provisional, and Jesus didn’t save us provisionally, he saved us definitively!

However, the Holy Spirit always elicits new answer to the new exigencies! And thus ways were multiplied in the Church for engaged couples, courses of preparation for Marriage, groups of young couples in parishes, family movements … They are a huge richness! They are points of reference for all: young who are seeking, couples in crisis, parents in difficulty with their children and vice versa. All are helped! And then there are the different forms of reception: entrustment, adoption, family-houses of various types … The imagination – I allow myself the word – the imagination of the Holy Spirit is infinite, but it’s also very concrete! Now I would like to say to you not to be afraid “to take definitive steps” – don’t be afraid to take them. How many times I’ve heard mothers say to me: “But, Father, I have a 30-year-old son who isn’t married: I don’t know what to do! He has a beautiful girlfriend, but he doesn’t decide.” But, Madam, don’t iron his shirts anymore! It’s like this! Don’t be afraid to take definitive steps, such as that of marriage: deepen your love, respecting the times and expressions, pray, prepare yourselves well, but then trust that the Lord doesn’t leave you alone! Make him come into your home as one of the family. He will always support you.”