Source: New City Philippines
“These days, my boyfriend has become very jealous, and controlling. I feel boxed in and quite limited in my choices. Often I think, if we’re in this situation now after only a few months, how much worse will it be in a few years’ time?” (J.L.)
If your boyfriend is strongly inclined to be jealous, in the future this may be a hindrance to a solid relationship, which should be based primarily on mutual trust.
Although a bit of jealousy is normal and good, too much of it can destroy a relationship, because the jealous partner is already claiming absolute possession of the other person.
That unity to be built between you is not a fusion, nor mutual dependence, but a communion where each one can grow even as an individual, even in their being different from the other, enjoying the freedom to join with another and expand into new possibilities and not in a relationship that limits the growth of the other…
When the partners lean on one another and cannot do anything by themselves, this is very dangerous because if one falls, the other also collapses. A good marriage can come about only if he or she can also stand alone.
Jealousy of this kind is often the symptom of a serious lack of self-esteem – thus a person sees and perceives others as rivals. Subconsciously, this person feels inferior to others, and unloved.
Maybe your boyfriend would need your continual support, acceptance and encouragement to overcome past traumas, but also a little psychotherapeutic support. In this case, if you wish to continue in this relationship, your engagement will require some heroism and great spiritual strength.
Thus said, I would also suggest for you to try and appreciate his good qualities, which are probably many.
However, remember that marriage is not just a work of mercy. One should never marry simply to help another person. I hope you can share your concerns with a trusted and mature friend close to you who can gradually help you better understand whether you should continue or break off the relationship.
Maria and Raimondo Scotto