Discovering
hope in others leads to hope in oneself. Like happiness, it is achieved from
others.
Perhaps
it’s only fair for society to imprison unlawful citizens. Most of them may
deserve what they get. For some of them, though, change comes later through an
awakening of conscience or perhaps from the depths of despair. In fact, they
spend most of their time in agony. The majority of law-abiding citizens remains
indifferent to their condition. Once they are locked up in bleak cells, they
are forgotten.
One
Saturday afternoon, I had a chance to walk around the unfamiliar grounds of the
National Prison. Together with my family, and with some hospital Volunteers, we
went to visit the ailing prisoners. I expected it to be like in the movies,
only less high tech and probably polluted as well. But it wasn’t like that at
all. I was surprised to find it much like a regular community. People were
walking around freely, a church stood on one side and a few vendors were in
sight. Yet even in this friendly atmosphere I could imagine the brutality and
corruption under the surface. I took my first few steps in fear and curiosity.
Not knowing what to say or do, I asked God’s guidance.
We
reached the medical ward and to my surprise, it was right beside the
psychiatric ward. The moment I stepped inside the room, my fear gave way to
sadness. I tried to act normal because the last thing they needed was a look of
pity. Here I saw men whose hopes are confided to their pillows. They only grasp
at them when they dream. But even when these men awake they remain close to
their dreams because they haven’t got much to do but sleep, eat and survive.
Staying in the medical ward doesn’t really mean they will be cured. Patients
are just separated to prevent their infecting the rest. The treatment they get
is not enough for them to fully recover.
The
first person I noticed was this middle-aged man with a guitar by his side. He
picked it up and started strumming. I heard his story and it was alarming. But
my fright subsided after a while. He had been sentenced to jail for 3
lifetimes, one for each life he had taken away. He said it was like an accident
having killed three people in one afternoon. He now knows, however, his mistake
and I heard a sigh of hopelessness in his voice.
Although
most of them are suffering, some of them still refuse to give up hope. My
sister befriended a Japanese prisoner and they were conversing in Nihonggo. His
story was a little different from the others. He still dreams of going back to
Japan. Holding on to his dream gives him hope. Then I realized that finding
hope in others lead to hope in oneself. Like happiness, it is achieved from
others. If only there were more people like him, the medical ward would
probably be less depressing.
After
an hour of meeting the most interesting yet the loneliest of people, we had to
go. But before leaving, we listened to one of the guys playing some soulful
violin pieces for us. The room became silent. His last number was the most
dramatic. He played it for the old man he had been in deep conversation with
for the past hour. The look on his face was priceless for the music had brought
him back to when his life was at its best. His eyes reflecting the memories of
a past love, his emotions overflowed as tears rolled down his cheeks. The smile
on his face betrayed how incredibly touched he was. I felt my heart go out with
him as I forgot everything else.
Within
the walls of this prison are forgotten men with only a flicker of hope to keep
them going and memories to live on. They have made mistakes they’re paying for
now for the rest of their lives. Some of them have already made the prison
their home. They would rather stay here than return home and find that their
families have turned their backs on them. They might find no room for
forgiveness. Their ignored cries of regret continue to haunt them. As we walked
down the narrow corridors once again I felt their sorrow. At the same time I
was thankful for having made this moving experience… There are so many things I
wish for them but some of these wishes would seem improbable. The thing they
need most to help them keep going now is to hold on to what’s left of their
convictions. Once they let go of hope, they will find no reason to wake up the
next morning. They will only want to dream on forever.
Claire
Ganzon
“I
know how men in exile feed on dreams of hope.”
Aeschylus
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